#and i'm talking abt stuff that happened in march so not too long ago but shit happened since then-

[noxtivagus]

it's actually really adorable reading my notes while i was going through heavensward for the first time

[oakthefrog]

listening to that one song and suddenly you're back to that one car drive from ages ago, old friendships that in hindsight weren't great and that weird-smelling classroom in school

[minnieposting]

hsr ramblings to get out of my system

sunday and aventurine focused. also about how sunday's totally dying in 2.2. and some other stuff

⚠️lots of talking out of one's own ass⚠️

prefacing this with saying this is just my stream of consciousness tbh, things might be all over the place. i am again literally just talking out of my ass tbh! i love stories and thinking about narrative as a system, so ive been going a lil nuts with penacony and its characters

but i decided to write this because i keep realizing so many things about both sunday and aventurine. i've been making a huge list in my notes and mainly my head about it so lets just get into it...

1. my friend and i were talking about it being hinted that sunday is not his real name. when sunday is first introduced, we have the option to ask if everyone in the family has a strange name. march says it might just be a stage name.

i've seen lots of talk about sunday's connection with dominicus, usually either about sunday actually being him or channeling him somehow. but either way, im very 👀👀

just earlier, i was thinking about how both sunday and aventurine are putting on grand final shows and how they're both bosses. the fact 'stage name' is being used here is very interesting in that case. just something im also very 👀👀 about

2. following up on aventurine and sunday and how they're both bosses putting on a 'show'... im now gonna talk abt their insane similarities and also their opposing traits. i feel like every single similarity i notice is also paired with an opposite

for example, their losses

sunday - older brother, lost his sister + family recently

aventurine - younger brother, lost his sister + family a long time ago

this is actually one of the reasons i think sunday will be gone forever 🫡 with the two of them being opposites, sunday is the older brother who won't survive, while aventurine is the younger brother who did. plus, if aven's sister is dead, and robin ends up being fine, that just further proves to me sunday has to die. theyre flipped!!

along with that, aventurine will come out of this fine, because we know he's blessed and he's said it himself, he always comes out as the final victor, and we see that he's coming out of this with a new reason to keep going. between sunday and aventurine, it's pretty clear who's going to come out on top. speaking in terms of their roles in the narrative again

which makes me curious about sunday's end goal, as we all must be... which brings me to

3. the shared goal of freedom

this actually expands to pretty much everyone. i noticed that freedom is a very big theme in penacony. prisoners were once held there, aventurine is a prisoner himself (both figuratively and literally), the family's shady shit as a whole and how some people are literally just being forced to stay, firefly's whole thing about feeling trapped, so on... and of course, there's aventurine again, with his thoughts of suicide and wanting to be free

a while ago i was thinking about all this in relation to sunday specifically, the family as a whole, and harmony specifically too. to unite as one harmonious beautiful being, free from chaos. i wonder if sunday's boss will be related to freeing people. it's clear he has connections to the order, which also doesn't welcome chaos and strife.

may be totally far fetched especially since the story will be complete in just a few days, but!! sunday boss being meant to get everyone absorbed into the choir, free from all those exact things. i think a lot about how the charmony festival invited out all the factions for the first time, but i'm not sure where to place it. could've just happened because 'the right time has finally come', aka, dominicus' arrival? whatever tho i have other things to talk about that im more excited over. sunday sacrificial lamb vibes? who knows

honorary mention to the siblings maybe feeling trapped by family, or actually straight up being trapped, WHO KNOWS! i dont know anything actually, i've never known a single fact in my life, but i will on may 8

4. more sunday aventurine similarities and opposites

- both described as madmen, sunday literally being told by ratio he needs to see a shrink because he thinks the same way as aventurine

- both extremely logical, always pulling damn tricks up their sleeves, infinite amount of room in those sleeves

- as mentioned before, both lost their sisters, although in a different order. both lost their parents around the same time though

- (from gagwanju on twt) aventurine utilizing and working with those around him to achieve his goal, while sunday has been working alone. again, another thing that makes me think that sunday will be the unsuccessful one in the end. not that sure what i mean by 'unsuccessful' currently, tbh.

- (from someone else on twt but i cant remember or find the post 💀) sunday and aventurine both brought into high institution and forced into a role

i'm getting tired so i'm gonna cut it short here but

honorary mention to yesterday night? where i was thinking about how they both put up fronts. inside, aventurine is tired, fearful. just being a struggler ykyk. sunday is described as having a twisted personality... aka just ocd, and getting worse everyday after losing his sister and being told he can't do anything about it bc charmony festival. ocd makes you have lots and lots of anxiety, so i wonder what's going on underneath. is he the opposite of aventurine in this case? instead of being just Exhausted, he might be fired up completely. an irritable mess, potentially very angry, etc etc, since his grief is so recent. maybe he's experiencing everything aventurine did back when he first lost his sister in particular, since they are two sides of the same coin (AGAIN).

uugjrjajd i feel my brain getting stupider as i type, but the final thing i wanna bring up is the name of the charmony festival. i was just wondering what it could possibly mean, and why it isn't just called the Harmony festival. whats the ch? is it CHARM ony festival? makes sense to me if the choir is just going to hypnotize people and try and absorb everyone, but im not too sure bc the order is also involved here. idk i dont know anything i actually only started playing this game a month ago

ending this with: sorry if i got anything wrong or confused. im very bad at explaining myself properly and may have remembered things wrong but also i have bad anxiety all the time so IDK

these r just stuff ive been brainrotting over for the past week, and its not even everything, i just needed it out of me 😭😭😭 i am very excited for 2.2. didnt even get into all those damn BABY SUNDAY AND ROBIN TRAILER IMPLICATIONS like omfg... goodbye. why is the sunday boss a childhood drawing why did sunday hesitate when saying 'right! both of us' WHAT HAPPENED. i think he knew he was never going to sing with robin, but why???? ahhhdhdbf

to those who may have read all of this.... DAMN i cant believe u did that, fun fact scallops have eyes

omg... editing this a while after posting, but i totally forgot about the lore of the xipe emanators, and how they can assume the form of any family member when necessary???? not sure where to place that in ^^^^ all that, but something i just wanted to add in... ACKNOWLEDGED.......... 2.2 is going to be a wild ride. hwat the fuck do u mean they can just do that.

[appreciatingtokrev]

that's really nice to heard that you guys managed to turn it around then! hopefully, your friendship will last for many years to come 🙂 i recently had to cut off a friend for 8 years because she went too far since she let bad experiences define her too much and i couldn't do it anymore 😭 it did made me realise that friendship or any general relationship does take work but it won't happen if the other party doesn't listen 😅 i'm a mac user and it's not available for IOS users expect for the iPhones but you can get GI on an iPad but most don't know this. Mac aren't really great for games anymore, you can't download any from steam now. that does make sense and maybe the company just abandoned it since they don't see a need switch version considering the success.

I've heard that the gacha concept is bad for ppl with gambling issues though like some ppl do impulse buy on there a lot. i've gave into playing honaki star because i wanted to be there from the start. which one do you prefer? i like honkai star more, how about you?

you are right, i got a bit lost there and we don't have the high school system on my end so i have to look up fms 😅 are you still in high school then (?) where i live, ppl your age are at university or they're retaking the previous year to get into uni.

i read the manga a while back so i've looked it up and you're correct. that is a good point, koko does seem more likely to change compare to inupi. that's true since even mitusya was still a member in bad toman and mikey disappeared and kisaki's influence. i wonder that cause koko to change that much in the bonten timeline though? because he definitely knew what he was doing then by signing up to it willingly.

it is a bit hard and long 😅 which version of venti do you want to cosplay? that is a shame but more interesting characters will appear where you might want to cosplay them instead and like you said, you could always start now.

tbh, anime merchandise is pretty expensive so if you could order it, it would be a little bit hard to find reasonable prices 😭 there are limited edition perfumes of TR that cost at least 100+ for just ONE, i was talking to someone and she will buy at least more than one but i was like wait, what if you don't like the scent? and then she said i'll just add it to my anime collection then and i went 💀 i would never do that, would you? making his earring must been cool though, does it jingle then? you're almost there then! wouldn't a wig be uncomfortable though? and hot to wear in the summer ? my cousin said the same thing about the hotness and you guys are exactly one month apart from each other, she's 16th of March lol. i'm not telling anyone that i'm cosplaying 😂 i'm just going to wear it as an outfit every once in a while and i'm not buying a wig.

i'm not a makima fan either, i just like her outfit lol. the fanart of her are cool though considering how terrifying/dark they are. why don't you like her? it really was and luckily i managed to get the last one for my size otherwise i've would given up 😭 thanks, it's not perfect, there is a split at the back (at the bottom) but closet i was going to get so i'm happy.

ty!! yeah i hope so too :] oh no,, i’m sorry for you ajdjfkh losing friends you’ve had for so long is very hard but if you believe it’s better that way i’m glad you did it & i hope it doesn’t take too much of a toll on you. a few years ago me and my best friend of 8 years grew apart and well... i was pretty sad about it tbh but i mean that’s life.

hm interesting, didn’t know abt any of the technical genshin stuff bc for my laptops it’s always worked without a problem

i hate to admit it but i’ve spent money on genshin too, though it was a one-time thing and i was still financially stable afterwards (otherwise i wouldn’t have done it). but yeah, it’s definitely a problem for gambling addicts.

ohh personally i prefer genshin, probably bc it’s what got me into gaming on pc and i’ve been playing it for so long lol but i prefer honkai star rail over honkai impact for sure. i do prefer the gi/hi fight mechanics but those in hsr are very fun too and i like that they did something different for once!

yeah i mean it’s not really a highschool here either... i would explain the school system in switzerland to you but it’s a little complicated so ajfjfjhsk tbf i’m a bit older than most people in my class tho it’s not too unusual for someone my age to be where i am bc the fms & gymnasium often have people repeating a bunch of times or similar things. most people actually graduate highschool at abt 18 to 20 where i live, in my specific type of class even half a year later so 19 to 21. and i’ll graduate at 22 so yeah lol. then i’ll probably go to university

i guess koko is just more prone to crime than e.g. inupi or mitsuya? i think it has to do with his trauma relating money because he knew that getting into bonten would secure him good business (if he works well ofc, but he knows he does lol) plus the other people who ended up joining bonten wanted him to be there too so that gives him an easier time making a decision.

i’d love to cospaly just his normal outfit, the one he wears in-game! my hair’s been growing out since and i never dyed it but i actually got pretty much the same haircut as him last summer lol. now idk what i wanna do with my hair and i hate going to the hair dresser so i haven’t cut it since ajdjfkhsk.

yeah, merch is so expensive 😭 i ended up finding a store in the city where my school is at that sells some animanga merch, including tokrev (and gi) stuff, so i now have a tiny takemichi figurine and a little plushie mitsuya keychain hehe, and both weren’t too expensive. i’ve also been planning on crocheting some little tokrev dolls inspired by a silly fic i read lol but my motivation has been so low 😭 ah yeah i’ve seen a bunch of tokrev perfumes too... i mean. if she likes spending money on stuff and has enough money to do it... her choice i guess

it does jingle!! i haven’t worn it yet tho bc i don’t mind the sound but i’m pretty sure the public doesn’t lmao so i might make another that looks the same but doesn’t make any noises so i can wear it.

mhh honestly i don’t think i will care abt wearing a wig too much, it’s not for too long and while i hate tge heat i can tolerate it quite easily so. and i think it will be plenty of fun (and struggle) to style it haha

oh lol, i see i’m collecting people with birthdays similar to mine one way or another lol. that actually makes a lot of sense! her outfit very much is perfect to just wear casually so. omg i love makima fanart, especially when people incorporate a lot of symbolism and/or horror elements. she’s just so pleasing to look at in a way ajdkfjsjh. she gave me bad vibes from the start and well i dislike her for her actions, which should be pretty popular lol. any reason in particular that you dislike her? omg pretty much the same thing happened to me with my valhalla jacket jacket, i’d checked out every store in town and was SO close to giving up when i found one slightly too big (it makes my shoulders look weirdly broad but i have some ideas on shortening the sleeves to fix it) and it looked okay so i bought it.

[ranboo5]

What's zablr

Takes a long slow sip of my cold brew, slams it down on the table

Might've told this story before I don't remember but I don't care to go looking. Get ready 4 a story of the most irrelevant low stakes niche fandom drama you've ever seen

A long long time ago. Around Feb 2021

So, motherfuckers HATE Philza Minecraft and they have always hated Philza Minecraft. Like it's the same problem as still very much exists today and is not confined to Philza – the way it can feel impossible to hang out in places related to DSMP without seeing neg of your little guy, right, and sometimes vile neg, like, not just wrong but genuinely distressing and fucked up. I'm sure you know the type anon you must be quite invested in the source to have any eye on this blog in 2022 and you must thus have some little guy who you've seen just the worst shit about. And hell I've probably posted stuff in that vein but I have tried to avoid it in past months so if you don't know wht Zablr is

But in Feb 2021 the fandom was obviously much bigger and more active – this being the era of active lore discourse and all – and aggressive Phil neg was not just annoyingly prevalent but quite literally unavoidable in the character's own main tag. The Philza tag was literally unusable shit was awful and it felt like any form of dissent from that was scattered and miserable. Boreal enjoyers in early 2021 were unavoidably and eternally fighting for our lives in the trenches

So some semi-influential bloggers (almost all of that old guard have moved on from DSMP by now and I'm not in contact with I think any that remain unless Nocturne count) started the Zablr tag instead so Philza enjoyers (by proxy, emerald and boreal enjoyers) could exchange content about our little guy without being, as aforementioned, in the mf trenches

It did not take long for the Discord to be ensuingly made and for Zablr to become a proper community. I think I joined in late February or sometime in March? Anyway, it seemed like an oasis at the time. A place where I could actually have takes that differed from fandom consensus! A place where I could talk about actual canon! A place where a mention of Philza didn't spiral into tirades about how much he sucked! Imagine that!

But even then like. I can't even say we should've known but the signs were there, yk? The administration system was SHOT (altho I didn't learn until later), there was barely any kind of genuine stability in it, etc..

I set up shop in the discourse channel bc I have always been Like This and. God okay the tragedy of Zablr rant chat is basically what this really ends up being. I can barely call it a decline bc it was never actually good! Red flags existed from the start! The effective dogpiling that happened the way we were as a community defined by the hostility outside... the us vs them mindset and the way Zaph (ZAPH! THE #1 PHILZA MINECRAFT SHOOTER!!!!) and I having an actual conversation abt Philza's flaws got told to leave were like . Fully inevitable. It was externally motivated bc like the place could not have existed and rotted w/o the trenches but it was also like. The infrastructure, formal or informal, to keep it alive never existed

In the later stages of Zablr attempts at getting more moderation and regulating rant chat more were made, including an extremely controversial decision of shutting it down fully, especially as more and more members new and old became more and more uncomfortable abt it, but it was too little too late yk. Bandaid on gangrene type of shit

There was functionally a mass exodus. Zablr hemorrhaged active members over April and while I still check in every so often it's like three ppl and nowhere close 2 what it once was yk? It's not fully dead but everyone who was involved at its peak days is inactive or gone and does not remember it too kindly

And I cannot emphasize enough here. I had good times in Zablr I met lovely friends in Zablr several of whom I'm still in contact with even in rant it was also absolutely a legitimate refuge from what was at the time an Unlivable larger fandom it was good it literally was

But at the same time . It never was. The seeds of its destruction were in there from the start and idk if we could have weeded it especially with the external pressures relevant. At the end of the day the discourse chat nuke and nuclear winter starving out the remainder of it slowly were not the beginning of the end but. Well. The end of it

Thinking back on it it seems fucking insane to me that this happened over like two months it seems like such a huge part of my experience with the DSMP like fuck it's still in my bio!!! But it was only a couple months!!! It's literally irrelevant!!!! What the mf hell!!!!!

Anyway that's why I'm a Dark Souls boss

[volgotha]

Holy shit I just read your text post I'm so sorry! How are people so easily sold on bullshit??? What happened that lead up to all that?

Okay, strap yourself in. I’m only typing this mess up once more and then I’m never mentioning it again as long as I live. I’m not going to tag it with anything relevant either so once its posted, i’m letting it get lost in the sea of reblogs. Here we go, warning; this is gon be long.

In 2006 I went to college. From 2006 to 2009 I hung out with 5 friends and my bf at the time, Andre. It was in 2007 that we started to poke our heads into the 2C11 room (the clubspace room). Matt and his best friend Jogn Carlo started coming with us to Rocky Horror, a thing only myself and two of my 5 friends would do together, along with ppl they knew from their old highschool. By 2009, we had formed a big gang of friends from the clubspace, and we all started going to movies and sushi together. One of my friends organize panels for Otakuthon, where we’d all meet up.      

But in 2009, two of the 5 ppl I hung out with had a falling out. They stopped being friends. One went to university, the other was around for one more year then she went to university in 2010. That’s when the old group began to change from a family to a clique: In 2010 new members joined the club, and became new staples in the old group–most importantly, a guy named Tin.

It used to feel like a big family, but when the new semester started in September 2010 and new members flooded the club, everything changed. Tin instantly gave me a strange feeling in my gut, like there was something off abt him I couldn’t articulate. Shannon was dating Alex, the then club president, who stepped down in disgrace after I and one of those 5 friends went to the student union to complain abt him being the Harvey Weinstein of the club,. He wanted to permanently ban her from the club bc that summer when he was making a shitty youtube movie, he asked her out and she said no. The only reason he stepped down is bc I helped her take it to the student union and took him down. So when 2010 came along, Tin swooped in and became Alex 2.0, and when I warned ppl abt him they didn’t listen.

Fast forward a year to 2011, and the shitstorm happens; My mom had bvee battling with cancer since 2009. She had a hysterectomy but it didn’t work, and the cancer came back with a vengance.

January 15th 2011: My mom comes into my room and tells me her doctor doesn’t give her 1 year left to live. A few minutes after she leaves my room, Tin talks to me on Steam. He starts trolling me, I exploded on him. I felt bad about it so I tried to apologise to him, and I wrote on my facebook wall a message: “Just found out my mom has a year left to live, not in my right head, plz stay away from me for a while” so i wouldn’t explode on anyone else. I said I tried to apologise to Tin on steam, because him being an abujsive sociopath, instead of just accepting the apology or not like a normal person, instead he starts demanding that i admit to being a shitdisturber. I ignore him at that point, tell him im sorry, wish him good night and then sign off steam, and go to bed.

The following day, Shannon heads me off as I’m in the 2C11 hallway heading to the clubspace room; she warns me that Kelly is having a shit fit and screaming about how much of a horrible person I am, that apparently Kelly thinks my facebook post is me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I run to confront her, because excuse me, no it fucking wasn’t yknow? and whatever trauma she hasn;’t resolved yet doesn’t give her the right to twist my meanings and paint me as a monster. Thats when she goes into the Oliver’s caf so I follow her, and she screams at me calls me pathetic and heads back into the clubspace, and everyone followed her and left me in the caf crying with Shannon and Alex. :/

The situation was made ten times worse later that night by a certain person named Mathew, remember him? He was supposed to be my friend. Instead, he took the opportunity to write a huge post on fb tearing me down, on which everyone else joined in taking a public jab at me. Matt was seen as the community leader at the time. He could have used his power to calm the situation down, instead he made things worse. To this day, I suspect that troll Tin is the one who twisted my words to trigger Kelly and cause all of this, and that he also had Matt in the palm of his hand, but i digress; Matt’s post convinced most of them to ditch me. That devastated me in an already overwhelmed state, and I attempted suicide a few nights later.

That summer, I saw that my former friends were all having a big party, “What Killed the Dinosaurs? The Bad Movie Night.”, and I wasn’t invited. Shannon saw how much it hurt me, so she invited to her bf’s party instead, and that’s where I met Paul.

The following school year of 2011-2012 went by without much incident. The people who had ghosted me slowly added me back, Matt even apologized for his shit, and things seemed to be on the up and up. It looked like all this drama was behind us. I was wrong.

After I graduated, I decided to go visit the club in Fall 2012. Big mistake.

I saw someone I knew, Sarah, crying on someone’s lap, and asked her what was up. She told me she was in an abusive relationship with Tin. For giving her the advice to leave him, Tin came at me on steam again, and I told him that he was an abuser, that he would not intimidate me and to go fuck himself, and I blocked him. Suddenly, Matt was trying to extort 100$ from me for 2 locks I had broken the year before, which should’ve only cost 42$. Where did that come from? Well, Tin was the club’s Treasurer that year. He was trying to get back at me for standing up to him and helping his victim escape, and he was doing it through Matt, who was going apeshit on me on MSN for refusing to pay 100$. I insisted I should only have to pay what I owe, which was 42$. He kept freaking out on me, so finally I threatened to get a lawyer involved, and that’s when he backed down. I still paid the money I owed for the locks I had broken but I blocked Matt, having had enough of his bullshit, and that’s when suddenly a bunch of ppl from the group ghosted me for good.

Why was I ghosted when Matt was clearly the one in the wrong? Because Tin. They ghosted me bc Tin told them to. Tin and Matt told them all sorts of shitty things about me and they believed them. They don’t hold Tin or Matt to any of their shitty actions though bc they don’t want the same abuse that happened to me to happen to them. They turn a blind eye to every shitty thing Tin and Matt do. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand there’s an extremely toxic abuse dynamic at play in that group.

But the story doesn’t end there. Remember that party I went to with Shannon, and that guy I met named Paul? From november 2011 to march 2015 we were together. I was isolated from whoever was left, only hung out with him and his friends. In 2014, I became close friends with a girl name d Ariel, a member of that old groiup who ghosted me. But that was probably a manufactured relationship manipulated into existance by Paul, so he could jump to her when he was done with me.

Paul was extremely abusive when no one was around. The night he left, we had a huge fight. I tried to escape the situation by running upstairs. He chased me and when I ran into my TV room and closed the door behind me, he started pounding on it and trying to push his way in. When he did manage to get through the door, I panicked, picked up a glass bottle and threw it at him, and then slammed the door again when he backed out. The bottle broke, and cut his finger very deep. He used that cut to get everyone present during the situation on his side. Nevermind all the crazy abusive stuff he had just pulled in front of them, no, I was the bad guy, and once he had them convinced, he left to my then bff’s house, who later became his new gf.

He posted a picture of the wound on facebook, and because of that and previous drama from years ago that never really went away, most of the friends I had left from Dawson believed him, and ghosted me. I couldn’t tell them that a week earlier he had raped me, and that’s why I was scared enough to throw that glass bottle at him.I filed a police report, I warned everyone who would listen to me about him, and I warned her. I did all I could.

 I was too scared to tell this story for such a long time, because if asking for understanding while my mom was dying was twisted into me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch, then asking for understanding for the outbursts I had after being raped would just be twisted into me using my rape as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I couldn’t handle the idea of my rape being trivialized as just some excuse–and Mathew is in part responsible for it all, because of that fucking post he made publicly tearing me down. Had he not posted that, I would’ve never lost my support system, I would’ve never gone to that party with Shannon, and I would’ve never been raped.

So I spent the better parts of 2016-2018 telling those involved off for their part in my current situation and blocked them, and the rest rebuilding what I had back in 2009, with resounding success. 

So, there you have it. That’s what happened. Fuuuuuuuucking insane isn’t it. Its over now, none of them can hurt me anymore and Ive once again surrounded myself with friends I can actually trust, so everything’s good now. I still have my low days bc this was yknow, a lot, but I’m doing much, muuuuch better now.